What is it? Shit. And, it does happen. A story:
A few nights ago my husband was working an evening shift and so I was home to feed the kids, bathe them and put them to bed. Dinner was a success- homemade Sesame Chicken, broccoli (only son ate it) and yogurt (only my daughter ate it), but overall, I was a happy mama. After some playing, we trooped off to the bath. I got them undressed and in the tub. As I was turned around to get towels, my daughter screams, “Mama!!! What IS that???” Oh man. It’s poop. It looks like a medium-sized tootsie roll and I was relieved. For anyone who has never had a kid poop DURING bath, let me tell you that this is the best possible of all scenarios. There was no water, no toys out, kids were still dirty. Perfect. I popped them out, spot cleaned the tub and praised my luck. Stupid move, mama.
So, kids are back in the tub, water’s running and I begin to wash my son. I soap up and reach down to wash his feet. Then his legs. And as I washed his butt, I CAUGHT the second deposit. Seriously, it dropped right into my hands. Now listen, I am immune to a lot of mom disgusting-ness, but this is pretty serious. I’m not in the business of handling my kids’ feces, but I have two small children in the bath, so now is not the time to freak out. I calmly tell myself I will call my friend later and quietly (because the kids will be asleep) shriek about how gross this was. But, again, not the end of the world. I throw the new tootsie roll in the toilet, wash my hands, pop my son out, wash his butt in the sink, and pop him back in with his sister. Again, very little harm, very little foul….. and then….
I don’t know why I didn’t catch on that this might be a theme. I don’t know why I dumped out our ENTIRE toy bucket into the tub at that moment. I don’t know what I was thinking. But, as I began to lather up my daughter’s hair, I notice my son squatting. Yup, he’s pooping- rapid fire now. Little rabbit pellets are all over the tub. Now things go into serious mode. I get them both out, sit my son in the sink, wash off his hands and feet quickly to make sure nothing goes into his mouth, wrap him in a towel and put him on the floor, then turn my attention to my daughter who is screaming on the bathmat. She’s naked, soap-y and her favorite bath toy is now covered in shit. Great. Another battle for another day. I turn on the shower, and, fully clothed, step into the bath tub (avoiding the poop) and hold my daughter under the spray to wash her off. She screamed the WHOLE time, but now, at least she was clean. Next up, the offender. He was also unhappy about the situation, but I got him showered off and both wrapped in towels into the bedroom. I left all of my wet clothes in a pile on the bathroom floor and, wrapped in my own towel, made sure the kids were distracted. Phone for my daughter, who subsequently FaceTime’d about 7 people, and a book for my son to chew on. And then I had to gather the toys, get the poop.
Needless to say, after they were both asleep, I drank a big glass of wine.